Any movie critic can tell you what a newly released DVD is about & spoil the ending for you. I plan to ruin your entire DVD watching experience by highlighting it's flaws, it's missteps, it's examples of poor editing, casting, and point out the ridiculous holes in the plot. If you're cynical, you'll appreciate this valuable service I'm providing. If you're easily impressed, then don't say I didn't warn you.  - Mean Jean

Nothing like a good comedy to while away a lazy afternoon. In this rollercoaster thrill ride® feel good movie of 2004, Tommy C plays a troubled hit man, struggling to come to terms with his real identity. Is he a cold blooded killer, or a hit man with a big heart? He's zany! He's nutty! He's a walking paradox! For someone who does what he does for a living, he sure is talkative! He's apparently a newbie, a little baby killer learning the ropes, but he's inexplicably given high profile hits to help him learn the trade. In spite of his big, busy night plans, he's not too busy to buy a sick woman he doesn't know flowers when he pops into her room for a surprise visit. He shows great compassionate wisdom in offering sensitive life's counsel to the lovelorn. He takes great delight in the finer things, like spending time discussing jazz in a night club in the midst of his murder spree. He is also the champion of the working man, helping out the little guy by intimidating the boss, who clearly is more evil than a man who kills people for a living. He also is the vigilante hero of the impoverished, getting back people's stolen belongings, no matter what it takes.
 
As long as we're spending time discussing Tommy the Hitter's moral superiority, let it be known that he came from a broken, dysfunctional family with a dead mom, which as everyone knows is a time honored Hollywood device to explain irrational, psychotic behavior. The dad that was stuck raising him was a mean, abusive drunk that died of liver failure. Obviously, the only career choice open to him after such a tragic, fake Hollywood childhood was to murder witnesses for the prosecution. But don't worry, his inexplicable moral rigidity makes for a murderer who's so bad at it, he isn't even given perks like a normal hit man, such as a car & driver. I don't know about you, but when I'm offered lucrative jobs killing people, a car is always on my list of demands. Poor Tommy is such a mess from his sad childhood, he lacks even the basic self-preservation instinct of a normal hit man. Oh, sure, he'll duke it out in a dance club, showing off some of the skills he learned from his "Last Sammy" training. But deep down, Tommy just wants the cab driver to win. This is why he keeps him alive, training him in his craft, nurturing him along with sunny anecdotes & his charming personality, with an eye fixed on uttering whatever advice will build up Jamie Fox's mild mannered cabbie. Jamie Fox is a really funny guy who can even pretend he's not. In this movie he is trapped, with all the odds against him. I don't mean as a prisoner of Tommy C's silly, fake, unrealistic hit man. I mean in this bomb of a movie. In spite of being a caged animal, locked into a contract to make this movie that makes no sense, with a hammy co star, he performs marvelously.  There is virtually no evidence of Jamie chewing off his own agent in response to his desperate helplessness with an idiotic & ridiculous script.   
 
How does the fake hit man end up in Jamie's cab? How does he convince Jamie to drive him from one hit to another? How does he so control Jamie that he never tries to escape, until Tommy knows where his sick mama is? Such answers tax and strain the  imagination, I wouldn't dream of insulting your intelligence further by explaining them to you. This is a 'guess as you go' script: whatever you guess as an answer to those questions, the movie won't be that sharp or common sensical. So the movie follows Tommy & his new friend around LA, an LA of everyone's dreams: with no traffic when you need no traffic, and plenty when you need plenty. Tommy C. gets his orders when he bumps into "Italian Job's" Handsome Rob, all done robbing European safes and ready to play with the big boys of crime. Then into a cab for a quick jaunt around town killing people for fun & profit. He blows his first job, showing why new hitters need to have better, more extensive training when on their own for the first time. Immediately Jamie knows something is strange about this mysterious, talkative, philosophical dude who hired his cab. 
 
But onto the next job, and more high jinx ensue! Kid Rock, I think, has a cameo as a guy who steals Jamie's wallet & hitter Tom's secret, all important briefcase. You see, there's another problem with novice killers- how smart is it to carry around your list & background info on who you have to kill next? Not just a piece of paper folded up in your pocket, but enough info on them to fill a briefcase? Most killers are much more careful than that! You see what benefit there would be if the murder industry had interns and trained them before releasing them into the world of killing all by themselves? Tommy C. could have made a movie about him hanging with a more experienced killer, doing all these important killings, & his mentor could have slapped his face every now & then, saying, "Whatsamatta wid' ya? Ya see me haulin' a f****** suitcase to do my hits!? NO!! Pull ya' head outta ya a** & think!! What if ya get caught, huh? How ya' gonna' explain that briefcase, huh, ya dumb punk!?" What entertainment that would have been! I think I'll dash off this review to John Gotti Jr & offer this helpful advice. If you don't see any more movie reviews by me, then you'll know why. No good deed goes unpunished these days.
 
So anyway, Kid's role, if that's him, is notable because it represents yet another attempt by the man Kid to cross over. From alt to country to armed robbery to assuming Tommy's hitman identity & taking over his hits for him. Maybe he was just so disgusted by the level of rank amateurism & unprofessionalism in the field of murder for hire he felt he had no other choice, I don't know. 
 
So back to Mr. C's wild ride. One hit after another, just like in real life, with the helpless cab driver blazing the way. The ending brings a whole new field of ridiculousness to movie endings. It however ties up so many loose ends that for the first time I understand why Tommy got the job (as a hit man, not as an actor. That's still a mystery to all.) He's psychic, you see! Guess after guess about where his fleeing quarry with a huge head start turn out to be exactly right. Maybe if Tommy had used his psychic abilities a little earlier in his life as a hit man he could have turned this movie into "The Terminator", and killed his victims in their childhood. 
 
Should I waste your precious time filling your brain with some of the legions of 'only in a movieisms'? Like doors that fling open when you knock on them long & loud enough? Like Jada Pinkett Will Smith handing Jamie Foxx her business card in the opening minutes of the movie? Yeah, loads of high powered attorneys get sudden cravings to go slumming & want to roll around with cab drivers. What a coincidence! OOOH wait, I can't tell you, don't worry, you'll guess! Loads of 'right place at the right time' coincidences abound, more than the average human should be forced to endure. 
 
If I had to do it over, I would have watched this movie at a friend's house, you should too. Jamie Foxx is developing into a fine actor who isn't only funny, but can handle himself in a lame, poorly written action movie as well. But this movie is such a stinker it's not worth even buying used to witness this transformation.     

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