Singled Out: Violet Night's losing my mind

Toronto rockers Violet Night recently released their new EP, "A N T I H E R O E S". To celebrate, we asked guitarist/vocalist Connor Pohl to tell us about the single "losing my mind'. Here is the story:

Losing my mind was written during a period where I felt there was a void, or intentional distance that I placed between myself and those around me. I wasn't feeling particularly inspired at that point in time as the p*ndemic was fairly soul crushing (sayonara). The opening line "jet black backpack, always on the run" is autobiographical, because at that time I was walking/running 20km a day, and I always had a black backpack on. The line "not interested in fairytales or living with someone" was a stark contrast to how I had usually perceived myself to be - somewhat of a romantic, a little bit on the dreamy side, but during this period I really wanted to be left alone. Not because I was upset or depressed - anything like that, but periods of introspection I think are key for growth and self development. Sometimes motives for the way we act might not be crystal clear, but if there's a longing in you for something and it isn't hurting anyone, then it's an itch I would encourage you to scratch. For me it was a little distance. What did I find during my introspection? I actually contemplated quitting music entirely. The thing about that I've come to realize, is when I genuinely consider quitting music it really sucks the life out of me. It's as though life becomes a colourless and tasteless scoop of ice cream that I'm eating just for the sake of it, but I'm not really enjoying it.

Music, and everything I am fortunate enough to do under the shadows that it casts, is my sense of purpose. I find when I get into writing for a record I'm pretty obsessive with the songs, but it's so fulfilling. I really flourish during those times. The all encompassing, almost overwhelming waves of ideas, melody and lyrics that flood into my consciousness are a thing of beauty. One ripple swells to create a wave and it becomes cyclical, and that state propels itself until I feel as though the album is done. The downside of the process is I am a bit restless. I am thankful my bandmates tolerate the turbulence. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night with an idea, and jot it down.

"Losing my mind" was the first song written, after a long stretch of not writing anything. I knew there was something special to it. The verse, the rhythm, the explosiveness of the chorus. Anthemic. There's an audio clip from one of my favourite philosophers Alan Watts coming out of the first chorus that says "there is no past, and there isn't a future, and there never will be". Though I'm sure some people interpret this as a bleak message, I have always taken it to mean that the most important moments of your life are happening every single day. Embrace them. People have a tendency to fixate on the past (nostalgia) or constantly think the future will be better. I'm guilty of this, many people are, and so I try to consciously avoid doing it, and really experience life as it comes.

With the absence of music, or my musical perceived self there became an absence of identity. This, combined with social isolation and nothing but time to think, created some inner turmoil that many of my peers confided in me that they too were facing. With all of these things being considered, and feeling that distance and isolation from not just people I loved, but from my own favourite version of myself, it was as though I was losing my mind, we had become estranged from one another in some ways. "I think I'm losing, losing my mind, over this feeling I'm feeling inside" what I love about the chorus lyric is that it can be taken two ways, and it's meant to be taken two ways. It could mean "I'm over this feeling" as in, sick and tired of it. Not vibing it anymore. It also can mean "I'm losing my mind over this feeling, I'm feeling inside" as in - the way I'm feeling now, has cracked the foundation of my mentality, exposed it's fragility and I am losing my mind because of how I'm feeling. Sometimes words have two meanings. In this song, that's definitely the case.

Hearing is believing. Now that you know the story behind the song, listen and watch for yourself below and learn more about the EP here

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